Out on a Limb

At the low end of the learning curve.

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Location: Asburypark, New Jersey, United States

I am an unwilling nomadic soul looking for a place to put down permanent roots. I have lived in all but 9 states (soon to be 10) as well as 4 Canadian provinces. I have learned more than I ever wanted to know by these means. All things considered, this should be an interesting space, put together by a person known for staying quiet while others take center stage. I think my turn has come to toss out gems that have been residing within for more years than I care to admit to. So who am I? I've been asking this same question for most of my life, so having a ready answer for you does not seem likely. Maybe in this journal, we can discover this together. About my habitation on the planet; for now I will say I am a female, a mother, a wife, a nomad, an artisan, an idealist, a keeper of secrets, a caring soul of the state of all things natural & most of my life, supportive & non-judgemental. And a very loyal friend to all. I feel very strongly about people in my life knowing that if they ask my advice or my opinion, they will get it. I believe that if a person wants to hear answers that suit them every time, then they should record those answers for themselves and play them back.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

What if someone you know is living a lie?

How important is honesty? Where do we draw the line between 'little white lies' and fraudulence? And why should we differeniate between lying in cyberspace, on a message board, the back of a book or record album or to someones face? Does honesty change simply because it can't be challenged by family and friends? Is lying in these venues alright? And does it make the liar feel loved when they add new friendships? Because they aren't friends they've made. They are friends of the person they've created with their lies; a fictitious character.

This all recently bubbled to the surface for me when I discovered a very close friend of mine had been living an enormous 'other-life'. She was so proud of herself and warmed by the fact that so many people have embraced her into their fold. As I read her profile online, I wouldn't have recognized the person I grew up with there as my friend of some 40 years. I have known her since the age of 3.
It was at that time that I began to worry they may want to meet with her. What then? She couldn't present the person they'd befriended.

She had lied about how much education she'd had, where she went to school; she lied about her parents and how she was treated by them growing up. She lied about musical talent; she is able to play an instrument; to hear her tell it in her profile, she practically has specialized brain modules to bring her on par with Beethoven. She totally rewrote her own history.

But I think the most disturbing thing in all of this is that she is a person who will tell you that the number one important thing in her life is honesty! She is adamant in this. Nothing holds more importance to her than people being honest with her!

I spoke with her about honesty a few months back and how people now will skirt the issue of honesty and lie. And to what degree should we hold these things paramount?
We expect others to be forthcoming and honest with us, yet we can't afford them that same privilege?
This new thing; pathological dishonesty, "Convenient Disremembering" to create the person we wish we were instead of changing the person we are to reflect that person. Or just basically accept who we are, foibles and all. I told her that the test came when we could look at our reflection in the mirror and say to that person that we were not liars, not frauds, but honest people who could be trusted. She assured me that above all else she could do that!

I wonder if I should tell her she can't?


Blogger Ron Southern said...

Internet contacts are different from your real friends. The chances of being caught in a lie are rather small, usually, so lies are sometimes told! If you don't confuse yourself with it, i doubt that it matters. People fabricate things at different times, even the real people in my life have done so. I don't like to be lied to in important matters, but what difference does it make if I tell you I once had a dog named Blue who died? Actually I had a dog named Grey, and I don't believe he's dead at all!

Your friend is probably having fun. If she doesn't start to lie to you, I don't see that it's anything to worry about.

From a dirty liar,

6:02 PM  
Blogger Fidelity said...

Ron, thanks. I understand what you're saying but I fear she has. And once you've caught someone in a lie, or lies as mammoth as these, then how do you feel comfortable with what they say to you after that? Any trust you had is gone.

Dog named Grey, huh? I had a grey cat once...not quite the same though, is it? How about a mouse named 'Pinky'?
And no, I didn't name it!

5:29 PM  

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